oh God oh God.

I have never in my life felt as terrible as I do when I wake up the next morning. Never.
The first thing I feel is pain.
Exploding sparks of pain as I try to move my head;
as I try to open my eyes; as I try to work out a few basics like : Who am I? What day is it? Should I be somewhere else by now?
For a while I lie quite still, panting with the exertion of just being alive. In fact, my face is growing scarlet and I'm almost starting to hyperventilate, so I force myself to slow down and breathe regularly. In ....out,.....in....out......
And then I reckon surely everything will come back to me and I will feel better...
In....out.....
OK, EUNICE... that's pretty right. I'm EUNICE ONG, aren't I?? I mean, that couldn't be wrong right?
In....out.....,
in....out...
What else?
Dinner. I had dinner at home.
In...out...,
in ...out.
And there was nothing wrong in it.
Oh God. Everything ruined.

A familiar wave of despair floods over me and I close my eyes, trying to calm my throbbing head. But the fact that I couldn't remember a single thing about what had I done yesterday somehow made me even more depressing...
which might possibly explain why I'm feeling so ill now..
It's empty and it's just me..
me and my thoughts...
Which, to be honest, I can't endure.
My head's pounding and I feel pale..but I know I've got to get moving- to distract myself that is.

Oh right. Now I come to think of it, all of them were related somehow.
Hmmm...
If only I hadn't been that stupid...
It was all going so well. I was so happy. And I seriously thought I could live life like there's no tomorrow. Oh God,
if only I could go back ;

Don't think about it. Don't think about what could have been. It's too unbearable.
if only...


To be frank, I 'd forgotten all about the rest of my life.
And honestly, I don't want to be reminded of it.

BUT it's okay, I don't have to do it personally, do I?


Okay, now what?


Still, never mind, I tell myself.

That's more like it perhaps ♥